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Third Annual Azzpoker Awards
Worst Poster The absolute worst. Terrible posts, bad threads, stupid posting styles, retarded gimmicks, unfunny alts, ridiculous amounts of simping, repulsive personalities, being annoying as fuck, overstating their abilities and just overall being pathetic, even for TLDR standards. It’s also usually the case that these posters don't just enact this shit on the forum periodically, or even at a regular rate, these posters tend to post at alarming rates. They're like an infectious virus you can't get rid of. Red Pill The obvious front-runner in this category and yes that is the only time you will probably see Red Pill and “front-runner” used in the same sentence. This last year we have witnessed the fattest most pathetic shit poster the TLDR has ever encountered, that is saying something considering we are the TLDR. The unfunny spam, the countless amount of stupid alts, the shit threads, and the terrible replies that Red Pill not only provided, but reigned down upon us in such quantity that we were forced to break the cardinal no-ban rule to rid ourselves of the giant malignant tumor that Red Pill was. For doing the unthinkable, making us loathe TLDR more than we already did to the point that we needed to ban the fuck makes him a nominee for worst poster. Senbugger “What’s your favourite color?”, “What’s your sign?”, “How’s your Family Life?”, “What have you gained by posting on TLDR?”. Do you honestly give a shit about Thriss’s family life? Or Ensui’s favourite colour? If you do you’re probably a shit poster yourself. These are the type of threads that Senbugger makes ad nauseum, questions about mundane shit that nobody cares about and while Senbugger pretends to care about the shit he asks, the threads actually come off as, and probably are, just insincere platforms for him to self-reflect. In addition to his high quantity of shit threads he’s also a super-simp, a whiny bitch and goes into that terrible hyper-defensiveness if you say anything bad about him. Kurrin/Catbread This may come off as just an extension of a pretty long forum feud and that maybe I’m only nominating Kurrin out of the fact that I just don’t like him, and while there’s some truth to that, I’m nominating him anyway. We’re talking about consistently providing the forum with worthless posts since 05. Kurrin is the background king. He's remained background since he has been posting here, a pretty pathetic feat considering shit posters like Brambles have even been able to break out of the background by just simply being around long enough. Kurrin deserves another nomination this year particularly due to his recent attempts to argue religion and politics, which have only further proved that he’s a fucking moron. Worst Non-Red Pill Thread There wouldn’t be a contest if I included some of Red Pill’s gems. Shitty threads are usually over 10 pages and contentless. While a thread may be equally shitty in terms of concept to the nominees in this category, if it did not garner a large amount of replies and therefore didn’t stay on the front page way longer than it should have it’s not as bad as the shitty thread you keep clicking because it won’t leave the front page. @Silenius, Amberseeds is prettier then you by Ieatchinks – A god-awful giant thread full of nonsense and shit posters. Who the fuck is Amberseeds and why is the thread so big? Fuck. sup from the ot, newcomer by linglo – I believe it turned out that the OP in this 31 page thread was an alt. No. Fucking. Shit. The forum allowed for a female alt thread to reach 31 pages, it stands as an example how collectively pathetic we are. I think I have a crush on Del by Senbugger – One of the worst Senbugger threads. Unfunny, uninteresting, really fucking stupid, should have been zero replied. Worst Female Poster Being a chick on TLDR automatically makes you an awful poster. But there are female posters that I can put up with and then there are female posters whose existence serve as justification for Sharia Law. Vizzini Though I’m somewhat attracted to her under the ridiculous pretense that there’s a possibility her pussy tastes like bacon, it’s undeniable that she’s a shit poster. Being a typical female on the internet, Vizzini is a huge camwhore, but it's the fact that she abandoned TLDR for some other shitty forum this past year that makes her a treasonous disloyal camwhore. Not to mention her zany shit isn’t that funny, the erotic forum is poorly moderated and she barely posts shit worth looking at in there. Rita Disgusting cum-dumpster, STD farm, fucking cooze, walking gash for a brain-dead military meathead to stick his dick in. Ugh. Jane Jane isn’t terrible as far as female posters go, except for one excruciatingly painful thing she does that grants her a direct free pass into this category. Trying to be one of the boys, making pastiche Pheerbeard posts with a female spin. It’s fucking awful. Jane, you need a dick to be one of the boys and you’re never going to get one so fuck off with that shit. Biggest Decline in Quality The Biggest Decline in Quality category are those posters who couldn’t keep up, couldn’t keep relevant and couldn’t keep funny. Though once at the top of the game they’ve now slipped into background and are mostly remembered for how they used to be quality. Chaplow Whether you think Chaplow was ever quality or not he is for surely not the same quality he was once considered. Winning two Pinties Chaplow was pretty much considered top tier, but those days are gone. The zany randomness about sharks fighting spiders with lazers is now largely panned and just seen as penguin of d00m shit. Even his once popular Colonel alt struggles to get replies. Lazrik While not really a shift in posting style as much as a total abandonment of the TLDR with the rare casual drop-in to tell us how hard he’s broing out in San Francisco, Lazrik changed and it feels nothing short of betrayal. After all Lazrik has been through with the TLDR, to simply ditch us for some bullshit frat lifestyle where he’s smoking the marijuana 24/7 is a shitty thing to do. I want security guard Lazrik who cam whored in his booth back and I don’t care if it means at the cost of his happiness. Zorg It’s probably incredibly gauche and arrogant to nominate myself for this category because it implies I was quality at once point in time. Actually fuck you, I was quality, I was top fucking quality. In circle jerk name dropping threads I was up there with TLDR’s sacred cow, Pintsized. Now I would be lucky if I got a mention and if I did it was probably be preceded by “the old…”. Now I struggle to make iceburns and relevant posts, the quality well has run dry in me. Worst Gimmick A gimmick is a calculated temporary posting style that is meant to be funny. Unfortunately gimmicks are rarely funny and often fall flat on their face. There were a few particularly bad ones witnessed this year. Morek’s Rage While Morek’s downward spiral into a sea of rage seemed legit when he was venting on me, it became obvious it was a calculated gimmick when he changed his focus to LJ, and when it moved on from LJ it became downright boring and unfunny. The same iceburn repeated over and over was eye-roll inducing and nobody was willing to step into the rage cage with Morek anymore because it became so fucking stupid. Morek’s attempts to insult and create feuds were defused by proclaiming lack of care or quoting Judge’s “stop leaving your shit everywhere Morek” spam, which was annoying as fuck itself. Thanks Morek. Judge’s Half Assed Gimmicks I'm not even going to go into too much detail about Judge’s shitty gimmicks considering they’re so half-formed and retarded. There was the unfunny Nigerian gimmick, the stupid walrus gimmick and the Aryan right-wing conservative fag from the middle of nowhere gimmick, oh wait. Kayc's Nazism What a terribly long and drawn out gimmick. Even with Kayc being German there isn’t any legitimacy to this shitty gimmick that’s been played out on almost every forum two times over. Liking the Nazis , worshiping Hitler and hating the Jews online hasn’t been shocking for a long time, it’s tired and boring. Worst Meme The unfunny shit posters repeatedly post, no I’m not talking about Kayc with Nazi Germany, I’m talking about shitty fucking memes this year and there were a lot of them. “Hey FINISH HIM Stop leaving your shit everywhere morek The Triarius Award for Biggest Faggot These posters have definitely made Faustian pacts for metrosexual glamour. If Pheerbeard is on one end of the spectrum of manliness these fags are on the other end. You do not know who Faust is. Tiz The ginger hair, the bowl cut heavy on one side, the baby-face, the smooth milky skin… keak2.gif maybe I’m the faggot. But seriously, it’s not Tiz’s fault he can’t grow facial hair, so it’s basically genetics that make him look like a fag. After all he does have a girlfriend, then again she does have a massive man-jaw and it’s a bit suspicious on how frequently he brings up the fact that he does indeed have a girlfriend…Possibly homosexual? Must remember to investigate further. Brambles While Tiz may not be literally a faggot Brambles just might be. Always talking about fashion and somehow being an authority of getting chicks while never having a girlfriend or being kissed makes Brambles come off as the gay friend to some group of stupid bitches. I don't think anyone would be surprised if Brambles posts on TLDR from within his closet. Ensui Ensui has probably had more fluids in his hair than Rita. If a male is razoring, layering, straightening, dyeing and putting a shit load of gel, moose and hairspray in his hair then he’s a fag. Having a hot chick in your signature or avatar doesn’t make up for the Hollywood Undead lyrics and ridiculously queer clothing that make Ensui a faggot, trust me I know. Worst Occurrence on TLDR in the Past Year The year was pretty low on drama and excitement. But I think there were enough unfortunate events and advents that they require a category. This category is for the worst shit that went down on TLDR since the last Azzpokers and has since had a negative effect on the forum as a whole. Rita/Cream Such a vile and grotesque union. I feel ill every time I think about it. Two of the most disgusting and repulsive posters hooking up and providing us with way too many pictures of their sexual shenanigans. It was a vomit inducing event, and with Rita going to visit Cream for two months I have a feeling we’re in for much more unfortunate pictures and information on Cream slipping right into Rita’s asshole. New Posters 08/09 was a particularly terrible year for new posters. Red Pill aside, as he’s in his own category of shitty posting, we have new posters like Lixler, Skinnytroll and Vatra. While they are not always consistently bad posters and some spare us by limiting the quantity they post, they are far from promising. I actually don’t think there has been a shittier bunch of new posters in the existence of TLDR. You only have to take a look at the Pintie category for “Best New Poster” to realize that the nominees weren’t even really “New Posters”, probably because to award one of the actual new posters would be ridiculous. Meta Posting I don't even know what the fuck it is and so I turned to Meta expert Pinsized to explain the shit "Just as the TLDR has provided unconventional twists on social interaction (adolescent male with skin the color and texture of Elmer Glue poured on asphalt sitting in a darkened room alternating between flirting with and insulting another male teen nerd), the democratic process (roleplaying as an unfunny, generic politician stereotype on an Internet forum), romance (Cream and Rita), and humor (“stop leaving your shit everywhere morek”), the TLDR has unveiled another building block of future Western Civilization: meta posting. Meta posting is the TLDR's take on post-modernism, and, like the other unique Bizarro World interpretations of normal human ideas the TLDR has produced, poster-modernism is a concept that would have been aborted by the Pope of Imagination if there was any justice in the universe. Meta posting is a rebellion against the absurdities of forum raiding, drama over small flabby camwhore tits, and terabytes of capslock posts about hotdogs. Now, a movement like this could define itself by doing something useful, like posting actually funny shit for a change or encouraging people to turn off their computers. Meta posting doesn't. What meta posting does do is encourage a zombism of halfbaked posts, WoW OT copypasta, humorless scorn for everything (be it deserved or not), and a constant flow of ironic remarks as only a ten year old obsessed with The Simpsons could provide. Meta posting kills “creative” posts, leaving a void only retarded shit and meta posting can fill; it destroys all drama, especially the kind that contributes to keeping an OT spinoff alive; and spawns posts that aren't even funny in the slightest unto themselves." Category:TLDR History